we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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