You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
