i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
