Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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