Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
