I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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