I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
