Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
