is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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