He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
