She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
