If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
