Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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