Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
being pregnant is like rehab
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
