I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
