i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
