she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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