Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
