I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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