I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
