Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize