That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
