Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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