would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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