I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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