just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
