I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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