it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
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so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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