Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
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In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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