I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
