what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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