is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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