YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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