Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
