Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
