Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
