i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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