It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
