If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
