Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
