Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
