she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
