Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
