Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
