so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
