As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
