Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
