I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
