I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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