That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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