why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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