she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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