I just made out with a guy for $7.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
