i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize