are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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