How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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