come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
