I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
