I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
