can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
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Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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