i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
